I have thought over and over how I would write this post. It’s defiantly taken me long enough. Too long.
But I read something tonight that just slapped me in the face. I had to think, “we’ll duh.” And “why didn’t I think this way before?” But now I have a little lead way of how to write this story of a life changing experience I encountered almost a year ago.
It might seem a little crazy if you’ve been following up with me; graduating from Olivet near Chicago, then moving straight to Nashville after that, but then moving to Kansas only 7 months after being in Nashville.
My time in Nashville was amazing. It was a dream city. I fell in love with my church and was able to experience a real graphic designer job. I also was affirmed that youth ministry is such a huge part of who I am and where I want to be. It was last August and September when I started having mixed emotions about my job/career. Don’t get me wrong I believe God gave me the ability to design and I do love it. But there was something missing. I can now look back and be certain that it was being more involved in the ministry side of the job that I longed for.
So, last September (Sunday 22nd to be exact) we had a wonderful sermon from Pastor Alan about surrendering and how God DOES give us things we can’t handle alone. BUT with Him, we can handle anything. I went to the altar that Sunday and laid everything there. I told God I couldn’t do my job anymore with out Him and that I was surrendering to Him and letting Him take over. That exact week, on Thursday I was let go at my job. I couldn’t believe it. I keep remembering the conversation with Pastor Alan i had over the phone within that hour after it happened. I told him about going to the altar and what i asked God for. His response, “Well Kelsea, it sounds like He answered your prayer. Just a lot faster then you thought He would.” There were some long, sad, yet helpful conversations in those next weeks with my pastor and as sad as I was to have to leave, I am so thankful for their love and encouragement in my time of need. Some know this story, for others this might be the first time you have heard. If you are close to me and didn’t know, I am sorry for not telling you. This was for me, very much out of no where and still hard to understand. It was one of the hardest things to come to peace with. I had amazing pastors and close friends help me during this time. It was so hard at first to bring up. I felt like I had failed. And I have always worked hard for things. This defiantly brought me down.
The job I took in Kansas three months later was actually offered to me before I graduated, but it wasn’t the time; God allowed me to be in Nashville even though it was a short time, it was one of the best times and I love it and miss it still. But what I had to realize and it wasn’t so easy, is that it is NOT up to me and my plan for my life. But Gods plan and in His timing. Otherwise I believe we would be miserable and things would never go our way.
I can’t believe it’s been almost one year since this has happened. I can’t say I have everything figured out. None of us should say we do….who are we kidding? But I can say I never once gave up on Him. Even in my toughest decisions and times of the unknown, I feel like I listened to God and that still to this day I am finding out what He’s got planned for me.
I’ve always been a planner. Always. But I’m starting to quit. I don’t want to plan things and then come to the realization that its not going to happen my way. Instead I have HOPE and always trust in God and in His timing.
If you are a student from Brentwood Church of the Nazarene reading this, I want you to truly know how important you are to me. I want you to know I didn’t “look to leave” but I hope you can see how important it is to always trust God and always follow where He leads you. Even if it is scary and not part of your plan. I miss you and love you so.
It feels good to get this out. But I want to leave with the passage that made me realize how much we worry about things and how they are not going our way; but then to say God, I am yours and here with hope and the knowledge that You will not lead me astray:
I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God ’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things. (Lamentations 3:19-36 MSG)
kelseagale 